Joke of the week

Superman at his best

Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party.

He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat Woman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open.

Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my ass sure hurts like hell!" :eek: :eek:
 
To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment building to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, he fell asleep and his member was sunburnt.

Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with the hot blonde, so, he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in gauze.

The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment for the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast. After they finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused. A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain, so he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,


"SO, THAT'S HOW YOU RELOAD THOSE THINGS"
 
11 out of 12 correct.

However the question I missed was "partially correct"...as the current number of US personnel in Afghanistan is 189,000 which includes contractor's.

However of this number 70,000 are US MILITARY personnel.

The answer closest to 189,000 was 200,000 and I selected that answer... but it was scored incorrect...as they wanted an answer for ONLY military personnel. A bit of a trick question.


Kerry
 
Talk about bad luck - not welcome back here

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I liked breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked, was a shaved snatch !


And now, I'm not welcome at KFC anymore.
:eek:
 
Some guys have all the luck

If this story doesn't touch your heart, then you don't have one...




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An incredible story of luck and inspiration!





Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

Talk about LUCK! :D
 
OMG my ex-wife found another sugar daddy to victimize! :eek: Man she was hard on my wallet, BUT she was worth every cent it cost me. :eek::D:p The sex was unbelieveable. :D And when she asked her girlfriend to join us things went to another level! :eek::D:p Tell her I don't want her back tho Mikey. My wife is the best. Much better then with my ex-wife. :D
 
Just fred

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing :D :D
 
The very first politicians found

An archeological team, digging in
Washington DC , has uncovered
10,000 year old bones and fossil remains
Of what is believed to be the first
Politician.
 
My living will

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my 1 son and I were sitting in the living room and I said to him, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

He got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my beer.

Such a butt head . :eek:
 
Jane & tarzan

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said 'Oh,.....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'

Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

'Here' she said,pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'


Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !


Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.


Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed 'What did you do that for ?'


Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.' :eek:
 
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