Joke of the week

mike w

mike w

Location
florissant
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. People are spitting on the wrong side.
 
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was
caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation
with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama as our president.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''..

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'Post Turtle'
was.

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'Post Turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to
explain.. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up
there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just
wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with'.
 
The pope and nancy

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a Huge Crowd. The speaker and his Holiness, however, have seen it all before.
To make it a little more interesting, the speaker says to the Pope." Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd GO WILD.
He doubts it so she shows him, sure enough the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The POPE, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. That was very impressive, the POPE says," But did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.
Pelosi seriously doubts this, and says so." One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever ? SHOW ME." SO THE POPE SLAPPED HER.
 
Why do you not see this sort of jokes about Republicans? Think about it. Here is a hint: It is NOT because the Republicans don't deserve it.
 
Jokes about republicans

Please look where our leader now came from ha ha ha most corrupt state and look at some of his choices. I think that might explain the jokes
 
History lesson

DID YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED 159 YEARS AGO THIS FALL. BACK IN 1850. CALIFORNIA BECAME A STATE. THE PEOPLE HAD NO ELECTRICITY. THE STATE HAD NO MONEY. ALMOST EVERYONE SPOKE SPANISH. THERE WERE GUNFIGHTS IN THE STREETS.
so basically nothing has changed
EXCEPT THE WOMEN HAD REAL BREASTS AND THE MEN DIDN'T HOLD HANDS.
 
I think jokes were constantly being made about George W. and the whole staff for eight years. The proefessional comedians won't make jokes about Obama and it's not like there isn't material. Heck, they even keep bringing up W, just to try and keep the bumbling image alive. I didn't like it either, but that's what comes with the free speech. I will never forget "strategery". That was just funny. What's not funny is the state of our politics in this country as a whole. When it comes to Obama, I'd side with Mike. HEck I'm married to a Democrat. It pains me to no end too, but we still get along. She says stuff I may not like, but I have to agree with. The same is going the other way now and she doesn't like it either.

I say anyone who's been in Washington for more than three terms should automatically get replaced at the next election by new people. Doesn't matter which party. Missouri enacted term limits and now a lot of the "Experts" look to our state as one of the most fair and middle ground states. Doesn't mean we don't get some things wrong, but guarentees it won't be for long.

Now on with the jokes. I still like the Pope slapping Pelosi.
 
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From here forward - Keep it lively, funny, and on topic. No one is off limits. Karl, you are more than welcome to dredge up any Rep. jokes you want, but since they aren't in power right now, the Dems are the target. IT'S A JOKE, REMEMBER THAT! Also, please, if you have a political statement to make to A person, you can always PM them. Now, on with the jokes...
 
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Every-body's fair game when it comes to jokes. Especially politicians. Now it's the repubs turn to have some fun. So I say go for it. It is your privilege as an American. Thank God we don't live in Iran. BTW I say that one of the most important things we should all remember & practice in this club is to respect & honor everyone within the club regardless of his or her political affiliations, preferences & beliefs. Lets let our love of cars/cobras be our rallying point for our friendships & not let our political opinions determine whether we like someone or consider them to be a friend.
 
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Once again the jokes have been presented in the Paddock as it was designed as an open forum....read the warning Mark has so posted.
If I remember correctly, our Constitution allows freedom of speech. Our young men &women, and some not so young are and have put thier lives in harms way so we can continue our freedoms. It is not our government that guarantees these rights, it is the fighting men and women!!!!
If an individual is offended by a certain comedian, then that individual should not continue to view/listen to that comedian.
I do seem to remember when G Dub was in office the late nite talk shows used him in thier monologue nightly. And still do. They are afraid to use our present president for some unknown reason other than most of the media is leaning left so hard they may topple over.
 
Bubba has a question for his lawyer

Bubba called his attorney and asked,
'Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies
fer causin people to git cancer?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants
fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries
with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba.'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions
when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university
when he graduaided and still couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin...

What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer all them ugly women I slept with?'
 
A guys wife was always on him for his practice of embibing the suds. She said the way the economy is we sure could use the extra money, so he quit drinking.
A week or so later she comes in and sets down a shopping bag from Bath & Body or something. He looks in and is full of cosmetics.
He says, what the hell is all this stuff for and she replies to make me beautiful for you!
He says Hell that was what the beer was for.
He is being buried this w/e.
 
Dead body found

Body found in the River......

Salem Police Department reports finding a man's body in the Willamette river just west of the Marion Bridge . The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a strap-on dildo, and an Obama t-shirt. He also had a cucumber stuffed up his butt.

The police removed the Obama t-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment
 
In all fairness to Governor Sanford's staff:
"I'm getting some Argentinean tail" sounds a lot like "I'm getting on the Appalachian Trail."
 
The lastest spelling bee winner

My name be Eboneesha Li Herenandez, an African Hispanic Asiatic-American Girl who just got an award for being the bess speler in class.


I got 67% on the speling test and 30 points being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs into class, 5 points for not bringin guns into class, and 5 points for not gettin pregnut during the cemester.


It be hard to beat a score of 120%. White dude who sit nex to me is McGee from Ocala He got a 94% on the test but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago.

Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin Afermative axon. You be showin da way to true eqwallity! I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo' doctor when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis cuntry...!!!
 
mike w said:
My name be Eboneesha Li Herenandez, an African Hispanic Asiatic-American Girl who just got an award for being the bess speler in class.


I got 67% on the speling test and 30 points being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs into class, 5 points for not bringin guns into class, and 5 points for not gettin pregnut during the cemester.


It be hard to beat a score of 120%. White dude who sit nex to me is McGee from Ocala He got a 94% on the test but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago.

Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin Afermative axon. You be showin da way to true eqwallity! I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo' doctor when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis cuntry...!!!
Click to expand...

Now that thar's funny I don't care who you are! :D:D:D:D But it's also sad.
 
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so
excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and
down along with her.

She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great. Tell me why
you're so happy.'

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and
down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a
while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!' Then
she said, 'There's more.' ... I asked, 'What do you mean there's more?'

She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have
TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,
I asked her how she knew. She said. . . (You're going to love this!)

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually
had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'
 
:D:D
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If you've never heard of Collegehumor.com, you should visit. You get stuff like below.

Very large Mastiff, Hmmm I think we found him, and never knew that would work :D
 
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