Funny Stuff...

what do i put the oven temp at?

carpe kid said:
Christmas Cookie Ingredients:

1 cup butter lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda 4 large eggs
1 cup sugar 1 cup nuts
1 tsp salt 2 cups dried fruit
1 cup brown sugar 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

funny s**t i like tequila a couple of slammers will kill a hangover
learned that on the riviera maya:D
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Hey Leo I kinda added the buxom part to the joke. :) Sorry bout the unwarranted gratuitous spin/editorialization of an already good joke. :D
 
Matthew 10:16 said:
Hey Leo I kinda added the buxom part to the joke. :) Sorry bout the unwarranted gratuitous spin/editorialization of an already good joke. :D
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did you have to look up all those words:D
i like Buxom and i am always gratified by them:D
i think i got out joked by CK though ... you know chili and beer go together
but wash it down with some Patron and you got the right mix..
ahhhhhhhhhhhh Humor i live by it.
 
"Gratified by them"

Gratified by them, grateful for them, and ingratiated by the benevolent reception of the enormous donation and as the benefactor of disproportionately gargantuan fortuitous pleasure! :D
 
I think I need to go back to school to be a philadelphia lawyer to continue to read the post's on this site.
Either that or I need to dig out my thesareus.
 
Anything worth doing is worth doing until there ain't no more!!!
That theory can get you in trouble. That is why my attorney advised me to deny anything and then call him. by the way Dave could I get a card from you in case my other counselor is not available? I do keep bail money with me at all times...you just don't know when you might need it for yourself or a friend.
Cops usually won't let you stop by the ATM.
 
Not always true. Some cops will let you use the ATM(I have heard:rolleyes:). If he is a really good cop he will even know how much bail is going to be:D:eek:
 
couldn't help myself

Mike Woley said:
dig out my thesareus.
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and your spell check:D "thesaurus" you think that a dumb carpenter wouldn't of caught that,
must of been from all those years of doing work for federal judges and DA's:D

that really didn't hurt i hope:rolleyes:
i blame all them Nuns i used to get smacked for saying Fu**n Wagnels dick-tionary Leo:D
 
I believe you are thinking of Mack's Creek(just west of Camdenton). That was the town on 20/20 that got in trouble from the federal gov for excessive use of speed traps:eek::eek:
 
Dear Abby... Unfortunately, Abby was at a loss to answer...


Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in
her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've
never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they
could be Lebanese?


Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language
and Violence on My VCR?


Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even
sure the baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been
on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy
friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.


Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around,
and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said
it would never happen again.


Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking up Judo. Why would a boy
who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own religion?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I have now seen it, how
do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00
an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
drank until one night he came home sober.


Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going
through mental pause.


Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in
sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and
he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
 
THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHTSTAND

After a long night of making love, the man notices a photo of another
man on her nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry....
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery

Have a great day!!!!!!!!!
 
scratch my back,,,,,please

A story with a moral - The Itch

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he h ad to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins. Without pause, Nick readily agreed.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to the King & Queen's chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed as a hero.


Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick could have cared less about paying Horatio, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick ..................................


The moral of the story - Pay your bills.:eek::eek::eek:Leo
 
i can't remember what side of brain works

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT????


You have to try this please it takes 2 seconds. I could not
believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over
and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you
can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are
GOOFY!!) and while sitting at your desk in front of your
computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air
with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so!!! And
there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how
stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to
try it again, if you've not already done so.

Send it to your friends to frustrate them too. :D
 
is there a doctor in the house

The Gynecologist Who Became A Mechanic
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college; signed up for evening classes; attended diligently; and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearingan error, he called the instructor, saying,
"I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade." The instructor answered, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together, again perfectly,which is also worth 50% of the mark. After a pause.... the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler.... which I've never seen done in my entire career. 'all this well:D
 
Now that explains everything. Leo has been smacked too many times by Nuns for saying: "Fu**n Wagnels dick-tionary." UCMup Leo Ur nuts & I love it. :D
 
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