Matthew 10:16
Member # 003
Leo You Crack Me Up! 
That's the best Lawyer joke I've ever heard. 
That's the best Lawyer joke I've ever heard. 
joke of the day
- Thread starter BigLeo69
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #22
i thought u would like it
now here is one for the religious believers
oops thats me
A Priest was....
> about to finish his tour of duty, and was
> leaving his
>
> Mission in the jungle where he has spent years
> teaching the natives
>
> when he realizes that the one thing he never taught
> them was how to
>
> speak English.
>
>
> So he takes the chief for a walk in the
> forest. He points to a tree
>
> and says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'
>
>
>
> The chief looks at the tree and grunts,
> 'Tree.
>
>
> The Priest is pleased with the response. They
> walk a little further
>
> and he points to a rock and says, 'This is a
> rock.'
>
>
> Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts,
> 'Rock.'
>
>
> The Priest was really getting enthusiastic
> about the results when
>
> he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over
> the top, he sees
>
> a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual
> activity.
>
>
> The Priest is really flustered and quickly
> responds, 'Man riding a bike.'
>
>
> The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls
> out his blowgun and kills them.
>
>
> The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the
> chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
> be
> kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in
> cold blood that way?
>
>
>
>
> The chief replied, 'My bike.'
>
now here is one for the religious believers
oops thats me
A Priest was....> about to finish his tour of duty, and was
> leaving his
>
> Mission in the jungle where he has spent years
> teaching the natives
>
> when he realizes that the one thing he never taught
> them was how to
>
> speak English.
>
>
> So he takes the chief for a walk in the
> forest. He points to a tree
>
> and says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'
>
>
>
> The chief looks at the tree and grunts,
> 'Tree.
>
>
> The Priest is pleased with the response. They
> walk a little further
>
> and he points to a rock and says, 'This is a
> rock.'
>
>
> Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts,
> 'Rock.'
>
>
> The Priest was really getting enthusiastic
> about the results when
>
> he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over
> the top, he sees
>
> a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual
> activity.
>
>
> The Priest is really flustered and quickly
> responds, 'Man riding a bike.'
>
>
> The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls
> out his blowgun and kills them.
>
>
> The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the
> chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
> be
> kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in
> cold blood that way?
>
>
>
>
> The chief replied, 'My bike.'
>
Ray & Jim were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Jim,
but we don't have a ladder.'
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts,
and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her
pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,'
and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed.
'Ain't that just like a woman!
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'
Jim and Ray are currently working for the government....
and helping to design the "stimulus package."
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Jim,
but we don't have a ladder.'
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts,
and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her
pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,'
and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed.
'Ain't that just like a woman!
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'
Jim and Ray are currently working for the government....
and helping to design the "stimulus package."
Phoenix
Member # 013
Random Thoughts
> Random Thoughts for the Day:
>
> 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
>
> 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
>
> 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
>
> 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
>
> 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
>
> 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
>
> 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
>
> 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
>
> 9.. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
>
> 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
>
> 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
>
> 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
>
> 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
>
> 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
>
> 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
>
> 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
>
> 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
>
> 18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
>
> 19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
>
> 20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay..
>
> Random Thoughts for the Day:
>
> 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
>
> 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
>
> 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
>
> 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
>
> 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
>
> 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
>
> 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
>
> 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
>
> 9.. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
>
> 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
>
> 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
>
> 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
>
> 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
>
> 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
>
> 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
>
> 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
>
> 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
>
> 18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
>
> 19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
>
> 20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay..
>
Silver Bullet
Member # 031
A Joke for Hunters:
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot
it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ... Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank
finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot
it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ... Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank
finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Matthew 10:16
Member # 003
That was a good one!
A Snake
Member #024
Things to Ponder during new year
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for the New Year 2010
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00,
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2010
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow"
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for the New Year 2010
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00,
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2010
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow"
Matthew 10:16
Member # 003
Mikey & I like #8!
See if ya think this is funny: WARNING this may not be considered to be family appropriate: http://elcampeador.com/2008/09/20/einsteins-theory-of-relative-titty-proves-true/
See if ya think this is funny: WARNING this may not be considered to be family appropriate: http://elcampeador.com/2008/09/20/einsteins-theory-of-relative-titty-proves-true/
Last edited:
Silver Bullet
Member # 031
I knew there was a reason I liked that Einstein guy!
Matthew 10:16
Member # 003
Yeah he is a pretty smart guy isn't he. And he's a titillating titular kinda guy.
And he's a titillating titular kinda guy. 
Wake up out there!
What's a pirates favorite letter ??
What's a pirates favorite letter ??
Rrrrrrrrrrr 
No it's The CCCCCC
MooHaHaHaHaHa
MooHaHaHaHaHa
Matthew 10:16
Member # 003
CC Senor'