Joke of the day

carpe kid

carpe kid

Member # 018
First Name
Brandon
Last Name
Eckardt
If you have one add it tomorrow:D

Tuesday

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd you do?"
" First Place !," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
" First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
"I'm entering," says Pinocchio.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.
 
Guy is sitting at the bar in Kentucky watching the news.
A pic of President Obama comes up and guy says"he looks like a horses ass" . Fellow on stool next to him cold cocks him.
Next a pic of Michelle Obama comes up on the screen and the guy says " she looks just like a horses ass too"> Fellow on other side follows suite and cold cocks him.

The guy says, I did't know Kentucky was Obama country!

The Kentuckians say" It's not, it is Horse Country"
 
Bmw

Tiger Woods drivin his Beemer' near a course deep in the south, stops to get gas at the local
filling station as he was getting out a Gomer Pile look alike comes out and says canz i cleanz yer winders, Tiger says sure., as Tiger was reaching for the pump handle 2 tee's fell out of his top pocket and the attendant says whatz dem fer? Tiger says these are to rest my balls on when i am driving. HOT Damn! dozzz BMW guys surely tink of ever'thin':D
 
I enjoy them! Enjoyed them when it was my guy in office also.
 
Karl's right - in this public section of the forum, we need to keep it non-denominational so to speak. The Paddock is the place for the political stuff, etc.

In fact - I'll just move this thread to to Paddock now.
 
Phoenix said:
:(
Please refrain from such political "humor." I find it, at best, offensive.
Click to expand...

Karl is right. We should be kind, respectful & considerate to one another regardless of our political opinions or party affiliations. That being said however ALL of our politicians are fair game for satire & humor as long as it's in good taste. I applaud Karl for his courage in speaking up. Good for you Karl. Watch dogs like Karl are good for us & our club.
 
Friday funny early

Ok. Lets lighten it back up and quit hijacking folks:D This thread is for jokes.

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
 
Why are driveways where you park and parkways where you drive?
 
Why do Fireman feel the need to rescue cats out of trees? Have they ever found a dead cat in a tree - or on the ground under a tree?
 
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road & a dead lawyer in the road? There's skid marks in front of the dead skunk. :D
 
Today's best

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.



“He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, an Obama Hope & Change hat and a Save-the-Trees T-shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.


As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.



Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions! I had heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."



As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"


“Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."


"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?" :eek:
 
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